And Trust God in Everything
In this series, I meditate on one maxim at a time for a few weeks, and then share my reflections. You can read all the maxims here.
1. Be always with Christ and trust God in everything.
...And trust God in everything.
The second part of this maxim comes to me at a fitting time. It is a time of many transitions for me, many uncertainties and unknowns. I am seven months pregnant with our first child. My husband and I are about to embark on our entirely untrodden journey into parenthood. In some ways, I feel woefully unprepared. I have never changed a diaper. I have habitually politely declined holding babies. I have no younger siblings; I never babysat. Although I am a teacher, I am not experienced with young children. So, I know that I don’t know--anything.
My husband attended a talk by the wonderful Dr. Albert Rossi earlier this year, and he wrote down a quote from the talk for me on a bright green sticky note that I kept taped up beside my desk at work: “I know that I don’t know. Christ knows. I trust Christ.” I know that I can read all the parenting books and I still won’t be prepared for what motherhood will bring. I know that it will be difficult and that I have a lot to learn. I may feel completely unqualified at times, but God has granted us this amazing gift of a child, and rather than be overcome with worries and what-ifs, I must trust God. He knows and gives us what we need for our salvation. Christ will be with me in my pain in labor, He will be with me in the middle of the sleepless nights, He will be there when our baby is crying and I don’t know what to do, and He will be with me in the joys.
I will be staying home with our baby this year--this means transitioning to essentially no income for our family, as my husband is a busy student. This is a bit scary, but we have to trust that God will provide. Staying home with our baby means that for the first time in seven years, I am no longer a teacher, at least in the formal sense of the word. Teaching has become part of my identity, and I am leaving a job that I loved, the best and most satisfying teaching job I have ever had. I have some fears about becoming a stay-at-home mom---will I like it? Will I be lonely? Will I be able to do it?
I don’t have the answers to these questions, and I don’t have to. I can simply trust that God is the Lover of Mankind, and that He gives me what I need for my salvation. From St. Nikolai’s Prologue of Ohrid, I can pray:
O man-loving Lord, open our minds to understand the mystery of Thy mercy, and soften our hearts like wax, that as wax they may burn and shine with the reflection of Thine inexpressible mercy! To Thee be glory and praise forever. Amen.
