Dec 15

Dec 15 Setting Boundaries

Setting Boundaries

As a therapist, I tend to talk about boundaries a lot. A big question my clients ask me is "How do I put boundaries in place in a loving way?" and from my Christian clients: "Didn't Jesus love without boundaries?" The short answer is: Jesus put boundaries in place because He loved His children and wanted the best for them.

At some point, we all put boundaries in place. Perhaps it's telling your children they can't stay out past midnight. Perhaps it's telling your friend that you can only hang out for an hour. Perhaps it's telling your spouse that you need a break before you can continue this discussion. Each of these boundaries are intended to be in the best interest of your children, your friend, your spouse, or your relationship. We can’t say “yes” all the time.

Being a Christian nowadays requires a lot of boundaries. By making God the priority in our homes, we have a consistent reminder about our values and where our boundaries can fall. By having boundaries for and with our children, they have structure, but they also learn what it looks like to have and implement boundaries. They have a better idea of what boundaries they have for themselves, such as saying “yes” sometimes and sharing their crayons, saying “no” sometimes when asked to do something they are not comfortable with, or doing their best to not miss Sunday Liturgy.

When I was growing up, God and my church were integral pieces of my life. So much so that my parents had a pretty strict rule (boundary) that even if I spent the night at someone’s house on Saturday night, I was going to church the next morning. If I had friends spend the night at my house on a Saturday night, they were likely going to church with me the next morning. Now in general, my parents were not that strict, but when it came to God and church, there was not much to be negotiated. At the time, I’m not going to lie – I did not appreciate having to be up early for church or telling my friend they had to leave early or go to church with us. However, now I realize that the one non-negotiable rule my parents had set me up for making decisions about what I wanted to do, where I wanted to do it, and who I was doing it with that were in line with our Christian values. I am not saying we were perfect by any means, but I do look at this as a pretty good example of what boundaries may look like when God is the center of the home, how God and His teachings can help guide what the boundaries may look like, and how it can benefit children in the long run, even when they may not like it in the moment.

Written by Guest Author Angelique Soulakos

Angelique is a therapist in the Atlanta area and works with children, adolescents, and young adults who struggle with anxiety, stress, trauma, and relationship issues. She earned a BS in Psychology from Georgia Institute of Technology and a MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Richmont Graduate University. She attends both St. Christopher Hellenic Orthodox Church in Peachtree City, Georgia, where she grew up, and Holy Transfiguration Greek Orthodox Church in Marietta, Georgia, where she lives now. When she isn't in the office, she is teaching group exercise classes at the YMCA, walking her dog, Soto, or hanging out with friends at coffee shops or new restaurants. Angelique also enjoys traveling to new places and learning more about different cultures.