Teach me to act firmly and wisely
Teach me to act firmly and wisely, without embittering or embarrassing others.
Throwing somebody under the bus sounds pretty awful, doesn’t it? Literally, it would be a gruesome and wicked thing to do. Figuratively, it means using words to put someone into a dangerous situation so that they are left alone to save themselves. I’d been hearing the term for several years and it wasn’t until recently that I understood what it meant.
According to Merriam Webster, “to throw someone under the bus is to criticize, blame, or punish someone, especially in order to avoid blame or gain an advantage. People so thrown are typically in a vulnerable position. The phrase's origin is uncertain, but it likely got its start in British politics, where the phrase "under a bus" was already in use as a metaphor for misfortune or a conveniently-timed accident.”
This Lent, after understanding the term and praying the morning prayer of St. Philaret, I realized I, too, had been throwing loved ones under the bus.
In today’s world, that looks like this: 1. When you make a joke at someone else’s expense, 2. When you know something scandalous about someone and you air this out in front of her friends to make yourself look good, 3. When you’re running late to church because a family member stayed in the bathroom too long. Then, you get to church and say, “We would’ve been here on time, except Brian was in the bathroom for 30 minutes,” 4. You see someone in your house do something that they are always complaining about and then you bring it up at the dinner table, “You aren’t going to believe what I saw mom doing today.”
There are millions of ways to throw people under the bus. And, on its surface, it doesn’t seem that harmful. No one’s getting run over, right? But, in reality, throwing our loved ones, friends and coworkers under the bus is just another way of embittering and embarrassing people to puff ourselves up. Instead of using a moving object to injure someone, we use our words as weapons. Consider this verse from James 3: 7 – 8:
All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
Our words are poison and the person who is sacrificed may brush it off at first, but eventually, after multiple offenses, bitterness will grow, and that relationship will be damaged. In families, familiarity makes it easy to throw our loved ones under the bus. But, over time, those word-weapons form deep wounds that cannot heal. Workplaces are also convenient places to embarrass our co workers so that we stand out as someone who “has their act together.”
It is challenging to retool the heart against this form of passion.
That is why the Morning Prayer of St. Philaret is so important. We cannot tame our tongues and ambitions on our own. It is too great a task and James tells us, “No human” can do it. To overcome this desire to build ourselves up by casting others down, we must recognize this as sin and seek God’s intervention through prayer and repentance.
But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.
--James 3: 17 – 18
In praying the Morning Prayer, we are asking God to teach us to ask firmly and wisely, rather than passionately against our brother and neighbor. We are asking for God’s wisdom rather than the world’s wisdom, which values humility and kindness over self-aggrandizement.
Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
--James 3: 13 - 16
O Lord, grant me to greet the coming day in peace, help me in all things to rely upon your holy will.
In every hour of the day reveal your will to me.
Bless my dealings with all who surround me.
Teach me to treat all that comes to throughout the day with peace of soul and with firm conviction that your will governs all.
In all my deeds and words, guide my thoughts and feelings.
In unforeseen events, let me not forget that all are sent by you.
Teach me to act firmly and wisely, without embittering and embarrassing others.
Give me strength to bear the fatigue of the coming day with all that it shall bring.
Direct my will, teach me to pray.
And you, yourself, pray in me.
Amen.
