How One Mom is Coping with the Black Box Monsters

By Angie Nasrallah

February 2020

“That’ll be $35.50.”

The screen facing me confirmed it. One book was $14, the other $18.

Hmmmm… That’s a lot for two pleasure books… Although he does love these titles…

The books consisted of a paperback and a hardback: The Odd 1’s Out by James Rallison and Magnus Chase by Rick Riordan. The cover art was enticing, and the books were stocky.

I pulled a wallet slowly from my purse.

“Okay,” I said to the cashier. The card was swiped, and the man handed me two books in a slick Barnes and Noble bag.

“Here ya go!” I said handing the bag to my eager teenager.

This is the price I’m paying to distract my middle school boy from the screen culture so prevalent in his age group. Not only is the culture about gaming, it’s also about social media. By far, the ubiquity of screens and how to counteract them has been one of the greatest challenges of our parenting career.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m okay with posting a few photos on Instagram, sending Snaps or watching a little YouTube here and there. But the screens have invaded our family time. These black box monsters threaten to snatch every person in our home and convert them into little screen zombies.

I’ve been rebelling against the screen onslaught for years! Kids do need physical activity and non-screen mental stimulation like reading and playing games or building puzzles. Teens need physically creative pursuits like music or art. People need real conversations with real people, face-to-face.

My first struggle began with the innocent hand-held game systems, like the Nintendo DS, PSP and Gameboy. Basically, those devices provided a little peace for mom in the car. But, those devices had to be managed. “Oh no! Riley has left his Gameboy out in the rain again!” or “You have to read your novel first before you play.”

Next, there were the iPods and mobile phone monsters that invaded our home. Like lovebugs smashed on a windshield, these little black boxes were always coming in and hard to clean up. Our stance was that if a kid wanted a phone, iPod or iPad he or she could buy it and manage it. At first that worked. My first two kids bought their own iPod and iPads at age 15. But, living in a very tech-oriented world, virtually all of my kid’s friends had parents buying them phones.

“Fine.” I thought. “Let the parents buy phones!”

Then, something interesting happened. My kids also came home with phones.

“Where did you get that?” I asked.

“Christopher gave it to me,” he said.

“Oh. That makes sense,” I said to myself. When the parents upgraded their phones, they were giving their older models to their kids. At some point, these friends had too many phones and they were just giving them away. Amazingly, every single one of my five kids had a phone given to him by a friend. You’ve got to appreciate the generosity here. But, how does a family keep all this media access in check?

If the cell phones weren’t enough, then came the online gaming systems like Xbox. For years, we managed to keep those out of the house too.

“You will read!” my figurative finger pointed to the bookshelf.

Nope. That was not to happen because friends and grandparents started giving Xboxes away too. My youngest just came home two days ago with a PlayStation 4 given to him by a neighbor who “upgraded.” Everybody has a game system! Like a bully kid living next door, you just can’t escape. Every time I see a group of middle school boys at leisure, they’re playing Super Smash Pros or Star Wars Battle Front 2. They game and talk and text and chat online and snack all at the same time. It’s a little gaming paradise. That’s the culture. The black box monsters are here to stay.

At this point, I figured I had two choices: Continue fighting or plant seeds of distraction.

There’s a kid in the neighborhood whose parents don’t allow him to have any gaming equipment in the house. I asked my 13-year-old, “How does that work out?”

“Well, he’s always over playing at the neighbor’s house, playing on their games,” he confided. “When we’re all outside playing football in the yard, he sneaks inside and gets on the computer.”

The monsters are advancing. Heavy restriction leads to sneaky behavior or feeling left out. All of these factors have my husband and I shifting our plan of attack.

So, here’s how we approach the “screen issue” now. We do restrict gaming activity to weekends with school aged kids. College aged kids must use only E-rated games. My 13-year-old has a phone that a friend gifted him recently. This generous kid received two phones for Christmas! “Christian’s dad gave him an iPhone 8 and his mom gave him an iPhone 5 for Christmas. Now, he has too many phones, so he gave me the iPhone 5!” my boy explained.

“Joy!” I said.

That means another strategy. “No cellular service on that phone, but you can use it for communicating with friends and family when you have access to wi-fi, after school. And, turn the phone in to me each night by 9pm.” Now I have collateral when things aren’t going well at school.

Now for the distraction strategies. I’m keeping this kid deep in books. If that means I have to buy new books every three weeks, I do it. Also, we stay busy with music lessons and baseball practice. Each child has his passion, and we tap into that spark to make those passions available when possible. Right now, my 13-year-old, Gabe, loves riding a trick scooter. So, when possible, I take him to the skate park so he can practice.

Another strategy I’m trying is not allowing the boys to drop their former interests. Art has always been a favorite pastime. We keep it in the schedule. Gabe’s either taking an art class or working through an art study with me. Our 17-year-old has this requirement as well. He’s always enjoyed playing the trombone, so we’ve kept it as a part of his education at the school he attends.

Every child is different; every family is different. As parents, we are continually bombarded with new situations that challenge our decisions and expectations about how we want to raise our kids. Having been at this awhile, I’m learning to adjust through prayer and lots of conversations. We talk a lot with the boys about being well-rounded, socially adept and physically healthy. It’s hard to know exactly how these media babies will adjust as they emerge into the real world. We’re praying these coping tools and distractions will enable our kids to govern the black box monsters themselves as they become adults.

I would love to hear what you are doing to manage screen use in your home. Please leave a comment in the comment section below about how you address this issue. We can learn from each other!

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy – meditate on these things.”

— Philippians 4:8