This July, I am reminded once again how important it is to pray and then allow God to direct my will.  How can I keep my agenda out of things and rely on His will?  This is one of the most challenging things I ever do.   Much of St. Philaret’s prayer deals with the very issue of will:

“help me in all things to rely upon your holy will”

“in every hour of the day reveal your will to me”

“the firm conviction that your will governs all”

“in unforeseen events, let me not forget that all are sent by you”

“direct my will, teach me to pray”

Still, I want to bullnose my way through to the outcome I want.  Heavy handed in my decision making over the years, I’ve been making sure the chips fall right where I want them. I’ve made  T-chart comparisons, interviewed experts, walked neighborhoods and talked to people on the streets before making big decisions. But, have I asked God to direct my path?  Have I asked him to direct the path of my children?  Do I want situations in my life where I didn’t ask the God of the universe to direct me? 

Just a couple of months ago, my older son was flat out rejected by his top two college choices.  I remember the build-up for that magic day that the decisions would be announced.  A nightly countdown at our dinner table ensued. 

“Only a week to go,” my confident high school senior reminded me one evening. 

Then, the mid-March day came and I got a call at lunch, “Denied,” he announced. 

What?  Denied? How could this be?

As his mom, this was an incredible blow as we had a lot tied up in that college offer.  Years of homeschooling, building a beautiful resume of service and extracurricular activities, taking the most rigorous courses in high school, prepping for the entrance exams… yet, the answer was NO! DENIED!  And there was no changing it.  

As I drove down the street, I saw college signs that read “Bama Bound” or black and red balloons on a mailbox, “Congratulations Future UGA student!”  My boy’s friends were wearing their college shirts and then there were the neighborhood banners touting all the amazing college acceptances around us. The more I thought about it, the more it irritated me.  Everything in me rebelled the outcome.  I wanted to find a way to get my child into his favorite school!

Then, I remembered a prayer I said when my boy started the whole application process: 

“Lord, please open the doors You want opened and close the doors that You want closed.”

Lord, “direct my will; teach me to pray.”

It was at that point I realized that God had a plan that was His unique will for my kid and that I should be professing, “thanks be to God,” not fighting against it.  Once I relinquished my own will, my pride, I was at peace. 

I know I definitely want Him closing the doors that we aren’t supposed to pass through, and I am grateful for the very clear line He drew for my son. 

Teach me to pray, O Lord, that I will always seek your will in my life and not my own. 

O Lord, grant me to greet the coming day in peace, help me in all things to rely upon your holy will.
In every hour of the day reveal your will to me.
Bless my dealings with all who surround me.
Teach me to treat all that comes to throughout the day with peace of soul and with firm conviction that your will governs all.
In all my deeds and words, guide my thoughts and feelings.
In unforeseen events, let me not forget that all are sent by you.
Teach me to act firmly and wisely, without embittering and embarrassing others.
Give me strength to bear the fatigue of the coming day with all that it shall bring.
Direct my will, teach me to pray.
And you, yourself, pray in me.
Amen.