Until I met my husband when I was 31, Valentine’s Day always had an element of disappointment and longing to it. When I was growing up, my family had silly traditions that made the day sweet and fun, but once I hit my teen years, Valentine’s Day was a clear reminder that I didn’t have romance in my life. Over the years, I developed some healthy coping strategies that made the day more bearable and often even really beautiful. Here are the top things I learned to put in practice when Valentine’s Day came around to make it a healthy day:

1: USE THE DAY AS A CHANCE TO THINK OF THE LOVING RELATIONSHIPS OF DIFFERENT KINDS THAT YOU DO HAVE IN YOUR LIFE.

Who in your life do you feel most known and loved while with? Make a list of qualities these people and relationships have that provide this sense of safety. How can you let these people know you’re grateful for their presence in your life?

2: THINK OF WAYS TO SURPRISE THE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE WITH KIND GESTURES.

Bake cookies to bring to coworkers or fellow students. Leave flowers and/or notes on your friends’ cars. Do you have friends who may also be dreading the day? Have a relaxing movie night together, or get dressed up and have them over for or go out for high tea. For me, doing things like this felt proactive and kept me from wallowing in unpleasant emotions. Planning things for others gave the day a sense of adventure and purpose.

These are the things that I found made Valentine’s Day a healthy day for me when I was single and longing to find someone to share life with.  Now, I still use these as ways to cope with emotionally difficult days. It may take time to find what works for you, but I hope these can guide you as you figure out what does. One thing I love so much about our Orthodox faith is the communal nature of it. We are not alone, no matter how alone we may feel. Our salvation is intertwined with each others’. Our thoughts and actions and emotional well-being impact more than just our own individual lives. We belong to each other. Still, loneliness and the longing to find a loving spouse can be very painful and make life feel like its marked by a sense of waiting and unfulfilled desire. If that is where you are today, know that your pain is valid. May God meet you where you are and make your day one marked by beauty and love.